The unspecified referential index is a well known NLP construct. It is a deletion, and can act as creating a powerful unconscious open loop. This post will show you what the unspecified referential index is, and how to use it. Don’t worry, it’s not as complex as it sounds.
NLP operates with a number of different types of deletions. The complete definition of deletion is fairly simple to dig out on the internet, so I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader if he/she wants it.
A deletion is when something is left out or ignored, either because of our internal representation or purposefully. Sensory input is deleted, memories are accessed in a way which deletes huge amounts of information, and information is always deleted in communication.
The unspecified referential index is a specialized form of deletion.
Consider the phrase
We’re going to dinner.
Who’s going to dinner? “Well,” just might think, “this is taken out of context.” Not necessarily, this is a sentence that typically appears without any context. Responses that are valid include:
Ok, have fun, see you later.
Implying, “we” does not include the person addressed.
Ok, I’ll be there in a second.
Implying, “we” indeed includes the person addressed.
As you can see, just a simple, everyday sentence opens up a lot of room for interpretation, and also a lot of different ways to respond. Obviously, the response to the sentence “We’re going to dinner” is going to be different depending on who’s saying it to who. Sometimes you’ll identify as a person within the we, sometimes you don’t. By being conscious of the construct, try to identify in a way that’s more beneficial to you, not based on what you think the other person means. If you wanted to go to dinner with the person, and really think the person didn’t intend to include you in the we, say “I’ll be there in a second” anyway. If it becomes awkward, and it certainly might, just say:
Oh, I thought you meant we.
If nothing else, the person who’s going to dinner will be conscious of you associating with the we going to dinner.
Now, this is just a simple example, you’ll find so many examples of unspecified referential indexes that it’s no point starting to list them. It’s a necessary communications tool, as well as all other deletions. Without them, communication would simply be too heavy. Most of the time deletions are used where context provides meaning. It is however possible to use as a narration tool without providing the necessary context to fully understand the communication. Consider:
We went to the movies last night.
In this case, the we becomes a wildcard. Had the sentence been:
I went to the movies with Peter last night.
…the conversation beckons in the direction of “What did you see?”. When you leave out the referential index, another loop is opened. Another way to conceal the loop is to follow it up with a decoy question:
We went to see Die Hard 5 last night. Did you have a good time at your grandmother’s?
…or…
We went to see a movie last night. Did you have a good time at your grandmother’s?
By using the decoy question, you can push back multiple open loops with ease. Now, whether or not this loop will suck the listener in or repel him is up to you to figure out. Using too many open loops makes you come off as vague. Using too few makes you come off as predictable and boring. Using the right amount is an excellent propulsion system in any conversation.
I’ll leave you with the classical Ericksonian trance trigger:
I went finishing with my dad and my uncle. He caught a 10 pound bass.
Until next time, stay sexy.